The inevitable Valentine's day post

Its that time of year again! First thing’s first: we do not celebrate it. We see no need to. We are quite happy with this. Second thing: I am a big believer in choice. If you celebrate it, good for you. If you don’t see the issues/think we’re unromantic douchetrucks, that’s fine too. It’s your choice, and I will respect it. I’m just cataloguing and explaining why we don’t celebrate it.

Most people we know know we don’t celebrate it, so don’t bother us with it. The first Valentine’s we were together, Mark got a lot of stick for not getting me anything. Even if he explained that, not only that we didn’t celebrate it, but it was me that first brought up the idea of not wanting to celebrate Val-day (I can’t think of a decent short form of the name other that V Day, which is has lots of uses as it is).
We both have issues with the day, the message it sends, the advertising, the messages the advertising sends, people’s reactions to it (it’s a long list :P)…In this post I shall try to list the issues we have. Hit the jump for the list!

1. Heteronormativity. Most of the ads show m/f, monogamous relationships. To say it’s irritating is an understatement. It completely others and disappears the vast amount of people who are in non f/m and/or non monogamous relationships. Then there are people who are in relationships, but are intersexed, or gender queer. Depending on how deep you want read into it, you could argue that this contributes to the trope that non heteronormative relationships aren’t ‘proper’ relationships, and people don’t get as committed to each other. Insert other ridiculous claptrap here. Which leads me into:

2. The feeling that if you’re not in a relationship, then there’s something wrong with you, and you must strive for a relationship above all. This is extremely depressing. Plus it others and disappears people who are asexual.

3. The main focus appears to be on men buying things for women. As mentioned above, Mark got a lot of stick from female friends about not getting me anything for Val-Day. This didn’t bother him, but it did me. They said that I didn’t mean it when I said I didn’t want anything. They projected their feelings on me, and I resent it. I generally rebel against societal forces, as most of them are bull. It also projected the annoying trope of women expecting men to read their minds. No. Bad society. No one is a mind reader. But I digress.
Most of the places I would want a present from do not advertise on Val-day. Because buying your female partner a computer game is totally not romantic, right? It must all be flowers and hearts. Yes, people should use their creativity, and some do, to wonderful effects, but that’s not what’s advertised. Not what the focus is on. If my boyfriend got me any of the things I’ve seen advertised, at any time of the year, I would not be impressed.

4. Do I need to say more? The pressure is ridiculous.

5. How many people know the story of the saint who died on this day? It’s a religious holiday, like Christmas and Easter. Most non-religious people know the stories from this time of year, even if they only take part in the commercialised part of the holidays. Val-day? Not so many. The story? Well, depending on what thread you want to follow, there may be no romantic connotations there. Like Easter and chocolate!

And that, along with other, less important reasons (can’t be bothered, tight-wads with cash), is why we don’t celebrate Val-Day. I hope, whatever you choose to do to honour this day, you are happy.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mark
    Feb 09, 2010 @ 12:51:07

    You’re a fool πŸ˜› You forgot to mention the whole not needing a special day to show love for someone and if someone does then what on Earth are they doing the rest of the year?

    (I also don’t remember getting that much stick but this is likely a combination of me not caring/having a terrible memory)


  2. Gem
    Feb 09, 2010 @ 14:04:45

    Well, yes, of course I’m a fool. It is possible that you can do both, and choose to celebrate Val-day as one of those days. But I mostly agree with you. And I’m sure you mentioned you did get some stick, I just got offended for the both of us πŸ˜›


  3. Sammie
    Feb 12, 2010 @ 13:47:42

    Steve and I first had sex on/near Vday, so its special for us because of that reason. I’m not sure aout buying him a silly card, but I bought Steve Ass Creed 2, and he bought me the makeup I wanted. We’re not exactly heteronormative, but we go along with it because its silly.

    I just want single people to stop complaining atm!


  4. Gem
    Feb 13, 2010 @ 14:08:14

    It took me far too long to figure out what Ass Creed 2 was πŸ˜› Yes, single people complaining bothers me. Build a bridge and get over it, it’s not that important. It’s only important if you make it important. Although I’ve also been hearing people in a couple complaining about Val Day. Well, don’t celebrate it then, duh.
    People are silly πŸ™‚


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