Ramble warning: Death

This has been sitting in my drafts for a while, finally decided to post it.

So, for some unknown reason, I started to comtemplate death this evening. I was doing a silly Facebook quiz, an they asked the: ‘Where do you see yourself in 10 years?’ and my thoughts flicked through my hypothetical life, as you do. And then death came up, because it will. It’s one of the hypotheticals.

I don’t normally think about it, to be honest. What’s the point when there are lots of different beliefs, but no stories of experiences? May as well wait and see. And, I’d rather think about living, it’s quite complicated at times. As the great philosopher Robbie Williams said: I’m not scared of dying, I just don’t want to.
But my mind tried to go there and hit a brick wall. And it felt odd. Trying to comprehend a time where there would be no me…I can’t do it, because I’m trying to imagine a time where, in theory, I won’t be able to imagine anything. Will I be able to feel like what’s it’s like to be dead? The scientist part of me wants to be able to, even just temporarily, even though I won’t be able to tell anyone what it’s like. But that’s the same part that knows it’s probably impossible-once I’m brain dead, I won’t be able to comprehend anything. I certainly won’t be able to process any sensory information.

I’m not sure if I want there to be an afterlife or not. I can only imagine you’d be tired of existing after a while…especially without a body. But the idea of not being also makes me feel slightly queasy. I actually quite like my mind, I like living in it most of the time. The idea of not having it irritates me. But of course, I probably wouldn’t be able to use it if I did have it. And then what is the afterlife, if there is one? Who’s vision? Just what, why? Would I want to live in a utopia? How would it be an utopia if I’ve left people behind, who are living?

I’m too sober for this shit.

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