Ramble warning: Death

This has been sitting in my drafts for a while, finally decided to post it.

So, for some unknown reason, I started to comtemplate death this evening. I was doing a silly Facebook quiz, an they asked the: ‘Where do you see yourself in 10 years?’ and my thoughts flicked through my hypothetical life, as you do. And then death came up, because it will. It’s one of the hypotheticals.

I don’t normally think about it, to be honest. What’s the point when there are lots of different beliefs, but no stories of experiences? May as well wait and see. And, I’d rather think about living, it’s quite complicated at times. As the great philosopher Robbie Williams said: I’m not scared of dying, I just don’t want to.
But my mind tried to go there and hit a brick wall. And it felt odd. Trying to comprehend a time where there would be no me…I can’t do it, because I’m trying to imagine a time where, in theory, I won’t be able to imagine anything. Will I be able to feel like what’s it’s like to be dead? The scientist part of me wants to be able to, even just temporarily, even though I won’t be able to tell anyone what it’s like. But that’s the same part that knows it’s probably impossible-once I’m brain dead, I won’t be able to comprehend anything. I certainly won’t be able to process any sensory information.

I’m not sure if I want there to be an afterlife or not. I can only imagine you’d be tired of existing after a while…especially without a body. But the idea of not being also makes me feel slightly queasy. I actually quite like my mind, I like living in it most of the time. The idea of not having it irritates me. But of course, I probably wouldn’t be able to use it if I did have it. And then what is the afterlife, if there is one? Who’s vision? Just what, why? Would I want to live in a utopia? How would it be an utopia if I’ve left people behind, who are living?

I’m too sober for this shit.


Ada Lovelace day

I really wanted to write a post for Ada Lovelace day: http://findingada.com/
However, my dissertation and other uni work is taking up far too much time, maybe I’ll write a belated one next week when (in theory) I should have some down time.


My dissertation has pretty much taken up my entire life. If I’m not in lectures I’m in the lab. If I’m not there, I’m writing my diss, and keeping up with other assignments. My diss is currently at 2,464/7,500. I should be up to 3,000 tomorrow, and then I need to wait until I get some results to discuss. The chances of me getting any decent results are nil at this point-unless a miracle haapens this week. I need to talk to my supervisor about it.
I have to give a talk on my diss, which I’m dreading. I fecked this project up, really. If I’d have checked the PCR program sooner, (admittedly, there were other people around who could also have doen the same) then I would’ve known it was set up wrongly and fixed it sooner, thus giving me more time to work on the other stuff. But that’s all in the past now. I just have to focus on this week, and trying to get a decent first draft of my diss hopefully written before I break up for Easter (roughly two weeks).
Tomorrow I need to: PCR and run out on a gel. Purify PCR. Run on gel again to ensure I’m not fecking up. Transform into E. coli. Plate out and hope for the best. PCR will take ~3 hours, gel ~50mins, purify ~40mins, gel ~50mins, tranformation ~3 hours, then incubate overnight. Not looking forward to 8 hours in the lab, but hopefully the breaks will give me time to write some more diss πŸ™‚ Plus Mark is going to meet me for a bit so that will be good.


Got my exam results today : 60%, 62%, 68%. I’m roughly on course for a 2.1 if I get the same sort of results this semester. Hopefully I’ll put an awesome dissertation together, and that will pull my marks up even more πŸ™‚

A post about PCOS pt 1

I’m not sure whether this will be a connected series, but there will be a lot of posts about this, and how it affects me personally.

I have PCOS. It is a endocrine (hormonal) disorder that affects menstruation and has many other health consequences.
I was diagnosed Christmas 2007, after a blood test, an ultrasound and an MRI. The blood test measured how out of whack my hormones were (very), the ultrasound to see what my ovaries look like (cyst-y) and the MRI to ensure my pituitary gland was working out (it is). I am pretty much infertile. I have insulin resistance.


The inevitable Valentine's day post

Its that time of year again! First thing’s first: we do not celebrate it. We see no need to. We are quite happy with this. Second thing: I am a big believer in choice. If you celebrate it, good for you. If you don’t see the issues/think we’re unromantic douchetrucks, that’s fine too. It’s your choice, and I will respect it. I’m just cataloguing and explaining why we don’t celebrate it.

Most people we know know we don’t celebrate it, so don’t bother us with it. The first Valentine’s we were together, Mark got a lot of stick for not getting me anything. Even if he explained that, not only that we didn’t celebrate it, but it was me that first brought up the idea of not wanting to celebrate Val-day (I can’t think of a decent short form of the name other that V Day, which is has lots of uses as it is).
We both have issues with the day, the message it sends, the advertising, the messages the advertising sends, people’s reactions to it (it’s a long list :P)…In this post I shall try to list the issues we have. Hit the jump for the list!

Culinary Corner

Today I attempted to make pizza. I ended up using Ciabatta bread mix for the dough, as couldn’t find ordinary white bread mix in the few shops I tried in the town centre. Will have to go to Morrisons to look for some. Things I have learnt: Ciabatta dough is ridiculously sticky. I had an inch deep layer of it cemented to my hands just getting it from the pan to the board. However, it is very effective as a pizza base once on the pizza stone. I cooked the base briefly first. The for the toppings: Passata, red onion, mushrooms, red pepper, sweetcorn, chicken, then cover in cheese. Cook. Nom.
I would’ve took a picture but we were hungry πŸ˜›
The best part? We only used half the bread mix and we have leftover topping left for either another pizza or to chuck in with some pasta.

I now have some popcorn covered in melted butter. I’m sure my arteries will forgive me soon.

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